just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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