I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
