My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
