If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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