Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
