it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
