i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
