i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
