Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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