Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
