My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
