Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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