k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
