I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
