Im at strip club and am horny
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
