Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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