is your mom at the bar?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
