He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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