I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
