dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
