I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
