careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
