Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
