Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
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