oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
