Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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