For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
