Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
