She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
