Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
