I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
