I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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