I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The Olympian is in my bed
I use my feet as sexual weapons
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
