wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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