Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
