May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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