I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
