GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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