how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
