well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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