why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
