i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
