And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
