I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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