I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
