my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
