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Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
