ugly people sure do ruin things
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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