Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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