Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
